Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Age is Something that Doesn't Matter...Unless You're a Cheese.

Attention, foolish knaves! ‘Tis the day of my birth! Everyone rise and applaud! (WaAHooOOO!) And now, for God’s sake, stifle your impulses and lend me your ears eyes. I feel it only fitting to address my followers in a more mature tone today. After all, I’m no longer a baby. I’m four! This means a few things. For one, I can vote now, and I’m definitely a supporter of the Pentatonix. Allow me to introduce you to their flow if you haven’t had the pleasure already— they’re pure genius. SOO JELLY!! Get this! Mom said next year, my pals and I can try out for The Sing Off (every little gay boy’s castle in the sky). I’ve already got our first 5 costumes on lay-a-way at K-mart! I know we agreed on NOT sharing our group name until we’re tighter vocally, but I feel it only appropriate to mention it, being it’s my birthday, and I’m the most advanced singer when it comes doo-wappin’ some acappella. So let’s hear it for the Holy Howl Babies! OW OW! We’ve been practicing all month for today in particular. Here’s a sneak-peak for your listening pleasure (Clearly, I’m the one recording, and yes they call me “Ma’am,” which is obviously in reference to our inspirational leader, Abby Lee Miller, Dance Instructor Extraordinaire—she gives us the swift kick in the pants we need when our whining is incessant): My mother’s precious, don’t get me wrong. Awkward and special in her own stocky way. She means well, I’m sure,
but if she even thinks of sticking me in that damn clown costume again, I’ll shriek inappropriately, yell “stranger” and run for the Hollywood hills. I’d like to change it up a bit, so I sent out a mass email to all of my friends asking for some original ideas for a costume. Here are a few I’m thinking of doing: 1.
****Since we all can vote now, I'd love to hear which costume you'd like to see me in this year!! 1-10? Any other original ideas?
Well, if none of those do the trick, I’d like to try on the hat as a commentator for the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. I think the irony is nothing short of uproarious. Only problem there is I don’t know if I could train my voice to be that deep and monotone, but I have the British accent down. The spectacle would sound something like Charlie Day among James Earl Jones and Michael Clarke Duncan.
Any who! I love Halloween because it’s so close to my birthday, and also, because I enjoy scaring the chicken-pox out of children. I’ve honed this skill for many years now, and I find myself getting better with age. I have a few tricks up my sleeves for this year’s prank. I’ll post pictures and blog about the level of awesomeness next week.
Happy Tails and Happy Birthday to me!

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